


Useful Family Lessons

by InTheShadows



Series: oh god... there's more of you [10]
Category: Sherlock (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (by which I mean it's set in Sherlock but there are Marvel infulences), Crossover, Don't Giggle at Crime Scenes, Episode: s03e01 The Empty Hearse, Humor, Incompetent Terrorists, M/M, Pining Sherlock, ish, the idiots guide to bombing, what self-respectting bomb has a switch on its side?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 18:05:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13769616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InTheShadows/pseuds/InTheShadows
Summary: "You do know how to defuse this bomb, don't you?" John asks.What Sherlockshouldsay is obviously. And after he takes a good look at the bomb, he would. Really. Only he's too busy laughing. He actually thought there for a second he was going to have to use those lessons his brother taught him all those years ago. Turns out, no, he's not. Because these people are idiots.





	Useful Family Lessons

“You _do_ know how to defuse the bomb, don't you?” John asks, tense, wanting to act, but not having the skills to do anything but stare and hope.

“What makes you think that I have that knowledge?” Sherlock asks a question of his own as he inspects said bomb. While it's not a model he's immediately familiar with, it shouldn't be too hard. They have time after all. Not as much as he would like, but there's no need to worry yet. Now, the question is, does he tell John that or does he push his – already thin – luck for the sake of a quick, if honest, conversation.

“You know everything practically. Everything you deem useful,” he corrects himself, “It's all in that head castle of yours. Defusing bombs count as useful, yeah?”

Sherlock looks up to give John an unimpressed look. “First of all, it is a mind  _palace_ -” 

“- same difference -”

“\- and secondly,” he continues right over John's interruption, “why would you classify _bombs_ as useful?”

“Gee, I don't know, how about Moriarty? Five pips? The Pool? Or did you erase that incident too? You must find near death experiences such a bore anymore. Dreadful waste of space. After all, what's near death when you've faked the ultimate act?”

Sherlock stops himself from flinching. It's not as if he expected John not to be angry with him when he returned. Even he's not that dense when it comes to social interaction. Or not anymore at least. But he had been hoping that he would get a little more than just angry. He heard John ask for one more miracle all those years ago. He had been hoping that he would be happy to have it granted. Obviously not though.

The saying 'Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it' is clearly in play here. As well as 'Too little, too late'. He obviously should have known better than to hope. No one in his family has had any luck with love. Just think about how his brother was conceived. Hardly the stuff of fairy tales. Why did he think he would be different? Because John was different? Ha! Look at how well that turned out. Turns out, if you push John Watson hard enough, he turns out to be just like the rest of the world.

“Sherlock, are you even listening to me?” John asks angrily.

Sherlock shakes himself from his thoughts and looks down at the bomb. He doesn't bother replying to John as he continues his inspection. Anything he says is going to make him angrier at this point, so why even try? Clearly it's better to finish this without any theatrics. So just what does he need to do to stop it?

And then the bomb starts counting down.

Wonderful. Just what he needs. He knows he can stop it, he's been taught by the best after all. But that doesn't mean he wants the extra pressure. Especially when John notices.

Predictably John starts cussing as he looks down to watch Sherlock. “Oh Jesus Christ. Great. Just fucking great. Bloody amazing. Alright genius,” he uses the word sharply, “now is the time to do your thing.”

Sherlock physically bites his tongue to stop the cutting remark he wants to snap back. Now is not the time. If he opens his mouth right now, he's not sure what will come out. Then he takes a good look at the bomb's side and promptly bursts into hysterical laughter. His body shakes with the force of them which agitates his still healing back, but he can't stop. Most literally, he is incapable of stopping. He knows he's complained about the abilities of the criminal mass in the past, but this is ridiculous.

John is looking at him like he's a lunatic, which, fair enough. To an observer he has to seem a bit crazy right now. And John has called him one before in any case. But it's all to amusing for him. This is a case that is so complex that even Mycroft felt the need to get him involved. And it is quite clever, he will give them that.

But to go through all this trouble and then use a bomb  _that has an on/off switch right on the side of it._ Well. Even an idiot can 'defuse' it. 

“Sherlock?” John doesn't sound angry anymore. He sounds worried. “Are you alright? Not cracking under the pressure?”

Sherlock laughs even harder at that because  _there is no pressure_ . There's just a switch.

“Sherlock!” John shouts in his Captain voice.

The tome helps somewhat. Sherlock looks up at John, still chuckling, but under control now. “There's a switch to turn it off,” he informs him as he flips it. The countdown stops.

John stares at him incredulously. “Are you bloody joking?”

He shakes his head. “Come look for yourself.”

John does, kneeling down and glancing where Sherlock is pointing. “A switch,” John starts giggling. “There's an actual bloody  _switch_ on the bloody thing.”

Hearing John laugh starts Sherlock off again. “Good thing too. I left my wire cutters in my other coat,” he says, grinning.

John laughs even harder at that. “You absolute berk,” he accuses. “You insane man, you can't laugh like that. It's a crime scene.”

Sherlock snorts. “You're laughing too.”

“Well look who I'm with. Clearly you're a bad influence.”

“Clearly,” Sherlock says dryly.

They look at each other and start giggling all over again.

That's how the bomb squad finds them. Two men, giggling like mad school children over a deactivated bomb. The Chief raises an eyebrow at them. Sherlock points at the switch and he snorts. “Not up to your usual standards, is it Mr Holmes?”

“Alas, I believe the quality of criminals has lowered while I have been away.”

“Holmeses,” he mutters to himself, then, “Me and my boys can take it from here. Thank you Mr Holmes.”

“My pleasure Chief. Come John, I have a sudden craving for Chinese. Hungry?”

“Starving,” John says with a grin. They walk side by side through the tunnel. “Sherlock, would you have really been able to have defused that bomb in there?”

“Of course I would have,” he scoffs, “What sort of detective would I be if I didn't know bombs?”

“Well you never answered, so I wasn't sure.”

“My brother taught me,” he tells him.

“Mycroft... well I guess that does make a certain amount of sense. Not sure I can see you sitting still long enough for him to teach you anything, though. Or for you not to insult him long enough for him to do so.”

Sherlock hums in agreement, not bothering to correct him that it wasn't Mycroft he was talking about. No need to get into that now with John so sensitive about secrets. He'll pick another time to mention his half brother. After all, it is one thing to casually say Mycroft is the British Government. It's quite another to announce the superhero in the family.

 

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone is new to this series, the lines 'Just think about how his brother was conceived. Hardly the stuff of fairy tales.' is referring to Tony's birth. I wrote this way before s3 when we were introduced to Mummy Holmes and so in here, Mummy is different, has an affair with Howard Stark and the result is Tony. It's not a terribly happy affair.


End file.
